Flying (Anima-Animus in Semitones)

It is our highway
That silenced night
when I am always clutching at the man who does't want me
We are still the same in this picture
Younger
You smiling
Your face yet-unstretched by chemicals
You gave me music that made me think of being tiny, small, in the dark
Fascinated by its crystalline falling synthetic rock n' roll
Stoplight crackled lighting not yet sprinkled down into a million stars of my unrealized disease
Shuddered car, rickety, before the screaming, clutching, crying, cursing, abusing of No Man's Comedown Land
You still had maps in the glove compartment
Backseat
What if I'd driven you away then? Or I'd said, "just keep going, do your dream..."
I remember your hyena-trickster laugh
of mind flying slowly away.
Before the bloodied screams of "Who are these women in my house??
Who are these liars in my house??"
You are my ghost
You are my brother.
I found disembodied engine
I found cut-out wires
We all looked for a sign
When you called I said
"Play your song across state lines."
But this same night, we will always be
Flying
Or maybe only you.

10/12/12

Jacket with Elbow Patches

Bowled over
Spilling seed daily
You stumbled upon holy land.

I am simply a bumbler-blunderer

I muddle through, too

Whoring and boring
The light darkened on Saturday sadomasochism

Who put you out
Who was first to love your bird-spirit?

You were first to tell me to laugh into echo chamber
You were first to wear it on the sleeve like newest fashion
And honesty of "I will not change."

Perhaps you are right.
Life is too short to compromise,
To try loving the wrong gods

Flutter away, caressing the lace I never wore
And severe vest
here in the mechanized chamber of holding hands
and loyal breathing.

I will never wear the crown.

Hat's put aside,
Old man-tweed
and hairbrush

Before sleep on my own.

Your squire's marked by a jacket with elbow patches
But she fights alone.
8/26/12

Three of Swords (Fuck you in Two)

Brandy kisses
Wine tears
Fake, flitting floozies
Cigarillo celebrations
Can't find my credit card
Leave me far, far in the bar
Let it mean the world this time.

It's on my sleeve, but you will remember only because you were drinking
They call it crush because the ice melts easily that way
And smoke has its own path
You are extravagant, but only sometimes
You and your dour brother, twin freakshow at the Republican circus
Stumbled embrace, lying liaisons
I told you what it meant
But when you love, you never listen

Same thumping here
Clouds rolled in
Afraid my face showed passion beyond my focus
One day I will lose it and fuck you in two
Divide your cells
Make new you with Me.

Dour brothers, mind to mind
Play out beauty, though life's unkind.
8/26/12

Love in a Top Hat (from Iris to the Magician)

He turned it over
bottomed out
Said, can you see into the quiet blackness
past the noise?
"Watch me pull a rabbit out of my void."


My face was pained
We were opposite, but our hearts one
Same tuxedo sadness and dandy-femme detail
Our shoes touched, toe to toe

Yes. I said.

"I am mirror-paned
I am your Iris."

I see only specks when I'm in love.
8/26/12

Sybilance of Sun

We see our eyes now hammered to faces

Confused in the realm of the exquisite

Morning fog mires us in the strange

Time to burn it off

Time to burn it off

See the dewdrops of day and sybilance of sun

Rubedo now, almost-burnished

Afternoon has come.

Foretell with mighty conviction.

7/4/12

Untitled- Song/poem

Write to me about sex and death
Mourning is what you do best
I'm challenged and can't move back
You're alone and that's a fact

Mourn for the disillusioned
Mourn for the wise
Mourn for the lovers who choked on stars poured from eyes

Have we mastered all it takes to grow?
Have we listened but have nothing to show?
Reap with open eyes
Bemoan dismissive sighs...

Mourn for the disillusioned
Mourn for the wise
Mourn for the lovers who choked on stars poured from eyes

Do your rituals, morning come
Sink it down like the morning sun
Wish me nimbly, cleanse me quick
Kiss me over the candlestick

Mourn for the disillusioned...etc

Mourn for the disillusioned
Mourn for the disillusioned (4x)

7/4/12

Untitled

Venus is in transition again
apogee apogee
Let's go down
and light this planet on fire, taking the sun with us,
Noxious.

We tried to have solidity but we were just
floating molecules
covering faceless air
sol et luna
we hoped for higher properties
We are not like the devil's pets
Bound by chains, blindly
We know not even Earthy cores
Nor definition

But the closer we get to setting foot
the more this poisonous atmosphere
suffocates.

I wish we would burn
Then go black.
You drifted, seventeenth degree in my morning house
And I tasted Mary's bath:
Tinctures of the old life
into a sad fermentation.
This is no purification.

5/29/12

The Actress

You waited patiently at stage door
for a sign
A door-hinge
Something to light your way to me
But I would not bring candle out
I was not the face that I played that night
In truth, I am more merciless than all of them put together
There was never any hope for my leading man.

Keep your distance, flower-bringer
I am resurrected every night but must die again
And all you know how to do
is wait.
4/29/12

The Fool (pt. 2)

I love the ones who have staggered in
From freezing
From survival conditions
Who didn't have a chance but who
beat the odds anyway.

Come to me and tell me all about it.

At first I said that I would listen
Now I am sick of listening
I have a whole garbage can full of regrets, finger pointing, wasted life...
I know you do too
What makes you think you can set foot on my doorstep and open with insults?
I will not hold you.
I will not warm you.

I am in love with those who have never found their dignity, who only strive to dig deeper in the mud
I want my old job back
I want the plain language of those who don't know better than me
I have so much store credit from empty decisions and bad habits
I love my misery
I love foolishness itself

But my one virtue is
I speak with my eyes closed
Feeling out with my mind
I am a seeing fool with a blind heart

But oh, I desire to be tricked again
Knowingly.

4/9/12

Scattered

Scattered

There are parts of me scattered
all around this city
My necklace at a gym
My boots at a friend's apartment
My hairbrush at a man's condo in Burbank
(I was not trying to leave my mark after fucking him, believe you me)

There are valuable treasures that I have lost
Between movie theatre seats
In punk rock basements during
punk rock parties
Dollar bills ripped up to humor the street-corner swindler doing magic tricks...

I would say that I left a little piece of myself
Here
There
To the winds
To be ground underfoot
But in the end
it is all just
Stuff.
4/4/12

There was a man here

There was a man here

There was a man here

Looking for you

She said

He was older

Wanted you to see his future

There was a man here

Wanting a drink

His bowl was dusty

His pockets welted with nakedness

There was a man here

Wanting things dark and beautiful

Secret things

Faked terror

Muffled fervor

The tiniest twitch when the name of it is uttered

There was a man here

Wanting god

I told him you were not Her

She said

Is that why I cannot look straight at her

He said

There was a man here

Soldier’s uniform

Sad-puppy eyes

He said I hear she has spoken words dangerous

I am kind now, but the next time I may not appear in these clothes.

Learn to fight before they come to take you

His gaze was glacial

His eyes mirrors of mine

There was a man here

I hear this phrase every day

They are all looking for me

They all want something

I have told all their fortunes already

They will fall

I am deadly

But also doomed.

3/21/12

Skeleton Key

Skeleton Key
to this house bought
blown-off, dust-riddled cobwebs
coffin bed bower
covered, a cliche
Velveteen lattices
I mope for no one but instead laugh
Quiet, sparse garden
all the musings of a richly-led life
coyly smiling back at
Dark leather boots
Nostalgia
and finely-sewn gossamer wings.
These murky cauldrons in the yard catch rain
when I can find time.

3/10/12

Attention

Attention

It has come to my attention
That thou'rt not worth a mention
Thine ego is so grand
No one will have the upper hand
Make off like a crook
And write a celebrated book
If it is truly drivel
Thou won't'st need to snivel
Your high horse will never trip
Long as you have self-satisfaction to sip
To see outside oneself is a gift
But between the two halves of thy brain there is a rift.

Distance thyself away
For to the truly clever belong the day.
Upon the fires all reasoning throw
Come at me bro, come at me bro.

3/9/12

Housed

Housed

I came home to this house

there was nobody here

nobody but my thoughts

the silence

and the cat

in a few days we will be selling it

that is more fortunate than the bank taking it

we were among the lucky few

but somehow it is difficult to let this space sit vacant

while others starve on the streets

I know there must be a way around this...

A roof should not be a luxury.

3/8/12

Under Love

Under Love

I am crawling out from under love
Like it was a shell
Long-mispurposed
Being always the coat that never fits just right
And that you will never grow into
No matter how hard you try.
Most people don't care for you
They just fall into the mirror of themselves.

To truly kill the self
You have to have a strong and old one first.
Under love
somewhere
Maybe dusty at the bottom,
is the essence of freedom.
Until then I keep the image of us dear,
holding hands,
quiet,
Near the river.
2/24/12

Joan (Spoke Not Through Rallying Cries)

Joan

She shielded the sun

Sword glinting

Shade provided thinly

And said

“I do this for no god.

I do this so that we can all equally walk this street

Unharmed.”

She loved like the enemy that

you invite in before slaughter.

2/2012

Fighting (Occupy the Sword)

Fighting

There is too much fighting to do
I want to give up
Leave my things by the curb
Turn my face up and away.
But who would I be
If I let these things flow, passively?
Would I give up my humanity?
Are we all just programmed to stupidly
grasp at the final straw?

What leaves me here to find
Bind
Take the mistakes of my life and rewind
In an instant replay of my bloodied face
Or to try to coax the cruel Fates?

I am compelled to ask:
Why?
Why do I even put power behind it anymore?

I am not brave
I am just
Fed up.

1/17/12